Transitional Being
Dedicated To Zeke
1999 – 2007
The Best Damn Dog That Evah Wuz
WORDS
TRANSITIONAL BEING
Back in 1999 when I first moved to McCall, I adopted an abandoned dog (my first evah) from the McPaws animal shelter.
Oh gawd this dog! He was the most magnificent, gorgeous, intelligent, courageous, joyful, fierce creature imaginable. The sort who would run wildly down a boat dock and hurtle himself 15 feet through the air to splash into Payette Lake after a stick, or fight a wolf hybrid with no fear. He swiftly became one of my closest friends and Bart's (my then mate) steadfast and loyal companion.
Zeke was a McNab border collie. But he was not merely a dog. He was a full-blown Transitional Being. Of this I have no doubt. An ancient, deep, wise soul infinitely older and more knowledgeable about life on Terra than I. He was teacher, counselor, protector, spirit guide, and true and loyal friend. The years spent with him were deeply enlightening, comforting, and uplifting.
Some of my most significant memories of Zekers are times when life was difficult for me and he would just sit with me placing a comforting, heavy paw into my hand and letting peace and wisdom flow from his mind into mine. Many times I had the strangest sensation that he was a Warrior Spirit and an ancient King.
During 2004-2005 we relocated down to Slate Creek along the Salmon River into the heart of what was once Nez Perce territory. Incredible country but it was rough for my boy. He was seriously pissed to be taken from McCall as he loved the snow, had something on the order of a dozen girlfriends there, and total freedom to roam, plus there were no noxious weeds, rattle snakes or any such.
It was so much more than all that though. In addition to his girlfriends Zeke had a TRUE LOVE. A collie named Sima. She was a total fox and one of the smartest and most agile dogs I have met. She could climb trees. It was totally awesome. The canine beloveds met in McCall and had instant soul recognition for each other. It was extraordinary... They were immediately and obviously in deep and passionate love. In that moment I realized these dogs were true soul mates, Sima and Zeke, BELOVEDS.
Zeke missed his Sima desperately.
All the stress of the transition and the loss and grief he was experiencing dampened down his immune system and he became very ill. But, to my everlasting shame, I did not notice his slow decline until it was too late. You see I was lost in my own personal struggles and stress and sorrows and I was blind within them.
One day, in November of 2006, he was drinking water out of the creek and suddenly threw up, just yellow bile. I thought nothing of it other than he had maybe been drinking too fast. A few days later it happened again. I made more of a note of it this time and started to wonder if there was another cause.
That night I was brushing out his coat, something I had not done for a while, and realized he had huge lumps on his throat, both sides, under his collar, and also on the back of his legs. When touched he made it loudly known they hurt. This was immediately and hugely distressing. The next day I took him in to see our vet. She examined him and then ran some bloodwork.
The news she handed back a few hours later was devastating - Lymphoma. Cancer of the lymph nodes. It was so far advanced that she gave him a few days to live at most. Overnight from when I noticed the lumps to when he went to the vet the lymph nodes in his neck had swollen enough on his throat that he was having a hard time breathing.
The first day and a half afterward I was overwhelmed with sorrow and could do little more than cry and pet him and talk to him. There did not appear to be any hope or anything I could do. Late on the second day I finally called my mother to break the news to her. She and my father and my whole family loved this dog like he was my child. She was deeply upset but immediately sprang into action. She is nurse and scientist and mystic and she immediately began to tear apart the internet looking for anything out on the cutting edge of cancer research that might help him.
Long part of this story short we put together an experimental treatment protocol for him (fish oil, immune boosters, flax, and an experimental treatment using an herb called Artemisinin.) Artemisinin research was being pioneered by several brilliant physicians at universities around the country and they were willing to work with us.
Under this care Zeke made it past a few days, and he made it past a week, and he made it to three weeks when he went into a brief remission. That lasted a couple of weeks. But his initial cancer had been so far along that it just was not enough. His lymph nodes began to swell again but I did not want to give up on him. His magic was so strong and you could just feel his monumental desire and will to live pouring out of him. I *had* to keep on trying.
At this stage someone I had heard about via my goddess friend Nicole ages ago drifted into my mind. A woman named Elevaphoenix who was a distance healer with purportedly very strong abilities. I discovered from Nicole how to reach Elevaphoenix and I made contact with her, on an impulse, asking if she could help. She replied very soon after letting me know she had never attempted to work with an animal before, but that she was interested and she would get back to me with more details.
The day I heard from her again Zeke and I were up at our farm just BE-ing in the sunshine with him. He was weak and tired and sad and was starting to lose the motor skills in his hind legs. We were grieving together knowing the end of our story was coming swiftly.
As I was sitting there with him I suddenly felt something unlike anything I had ever experienced before. An indescribably powerful energy that was not my own passed within my heart resting there for a brief moment, then flowing out of me towards Zeke. It was monumental. I had never felt anyone's spirit self prior to that moment but I instantly recognized it as, "Elevaphoenix just passed through me." Although I honestly wasn’t even sure what I meant by that. It was just what came into my head.
And Zeke? It was like an electric life force current had passed through him. He was suddenly alert, energized, awake and frisking about with no pain and no stiffness. It was miraculous. When I returned home and checked in with my email I found a message from Elevaphoenix saying that her Higher Self had passed through me to establish a connection to Zeke an hour ago and that she had done initial healing and pain reduction work for him. She proceeded to explain to me that how she works is that she literally flows her energy self along the currents and waves that are created by computers and email interactions. We all leave behind imprints and pieces of our energy selves that become part of the web and she can follow those around to get to her target or close to her target, and she can then pass down the connecting bands that tie us tightly to our loved ones from one being to the next. I was astonished. I had never heard of such a thing being possible but it immediately made sense to me. After that first energetic pass-through she used the doorway to Zeke in my heart several more times. Each time I was fully aware of her.
Eventually she established a direct connection to Zeke and did not need to go through me anymore. It took her a little while to begin to fully communicate with him as she had never spoken "dog" before but she soon was able to talk to him as easily as to a human. She relayed many things to me straight from Zeke's mind and the things she shared would have been *impossible* for her to know without someone who knew him, me, or Bart intimately telling her about them. She also learned a huge amount about Zeke’s soul and what his purpose and mission was here on this earth. He was indeed a transitional being. Interestingly, Elevaphoenix told us that Zeke perceived himself to be a Marine and a warrior. One of Bart’s favorite nicknames for him was "Lance Corporal Zeke".
I shall never forget the day Elevaphoenix sent us Zeke's Mission Statement. It was he who made contact with her for this. He had to be certain Bart and I *knew* what he was truly about and why he was here incarnate upon Terra. She relayed what he had to tell us, straight from the dog's mouth fer reals.
I recall her expressing to us his emotions that he translated to her with the words. She described them as being intensely powerful and filled with authentic pride, honor, courage, deep conviction... And that the words and feelings he sent came with Musica as if ALL the voices of ALL the unheard creatures on Terra were singing together.
She also said Zeke NEEDED US TO KNOW because he knew his time was short and his heart was breaking about leaving this world without being able to complete his Mission and all the hate and violence and fear and pain and abuse still going on here.
Well, Bart and I heard Zeke's Heart Song and we immediately went to this majestic Being who had chosen us to tarry with while he living and we gave him MADDD HONOR + TOTAL RESPECT. That which was Zeke's proper due. And we each swore upon our own honor before that warrior upon that day that his Mission would NOT go unfulfilled, that we WOULD carry it on and continue his work.
Here's what Zeke shared with us -
[Zekers In Dreamworld sketch by, Bart]
I can't vouch for Bart as I can only evah speak for my Self but I can vouch for me. Every day since then, with rare exception, I have walked this world and just tried to make it all hurt less for the souls I encounter upon The Way... Just try to keep on pouring Liquid Loveshine into The Great Darkness, try to share some knowledge on some Right Things To Do and what it feels like to Care Enough To Do Them, ya know?
Under Elevaphoenix's care of his energy being and our ongoing care of his physical self Zeke again entered into a period of remission that lasted deep into February of 2007. Throughout that month and a half, he was pain free, agile, never lost weight, his coat thick and glossy, his nose shiny, and he was utterly blissful. It was miraculous and ran contrary to all of the physical occurrences that should have happened with his lymphoma. His weekly checkups at the vet blew their minds each time. They could not understand why he was not decaying and losing weight, let alone dead.
But then in late February he suddenly went into a healing crisis from which he did not emerge. His internal organs just started to fail. His kidneys in particular. It happened out of the blue and so fast that we could not keep up. Elevaphoenix worked on his behalf as hard and fast as she could but it was just too much. She did not have enough time to effect the changes swiftly enough in his energy fields to make them manifest in his physical form immediately. In truth, the need for him to stay on Terra with us was simply not great enough. Within the span of 48 hours he went from completely vigorous to the threshold of death.
It was a Friday night and he refused to come into the house. I just could not make him. I did not sleep that night. All I could do was weep. The next morning I awoke and went outside, not knowing what I would find. Zeke was out in our neighbor’s yard huddled under a tree. He was unmoving but still breathing... So weak and frail and small. I picked him up and carried him home. He still refused to be indoors. It was a bleak, bitterly cold winter’s day. I bundled up in my Carhart work suit and took a sleeping bag outside and just sat with him, his head in my lap, knowing his time had come.
Bart joined us and as we kept our vigil with Zeke we witnessed two astonishing miracles that we did not relate to each other as both having seen until later.
The first was that a great horned owl appeared, in the middle of the day, full daylight, roosting above us in the tree we were next to. The owl was unafraid, staring directly at us and at Zeke and did not waver in its intent.
In my heart I could sense the owl had come to collect and guide Zeke’s spirit. To witness his transition. Later I learned that the Nez Perce believe that the appearance of a great horned owl at someone’s death bed is a sign that a mighty and powerful spirit is about to pass from life to death.
The other miracle was something I had never seen before then and have only seen one other time since, which was a Being In Flux Between The Explicate And Implicate Order. I have no other way to describe it.
Zeke’s physical body kept filling with a brilliant white light and he was phasing back and forth between his shape made of the "normal" dog matter I was used to seeing and his same shape but made only out of light. It seemed it would only be moments before the phasing would stop and he would stay in the light form forever, shedding his mortal coil like a shell, and drift away from us into the unknown ether. Zeke, though still drawing an occasional shallow breath, had not moved for several hours.
At the very moment it seemed to be the end he suddenly re-booted. He lifted his head, shook it, and looked towards the back gate. And there, through the gate, hurtling towards him as fast as her paws could carry her, was his truest love, Sima!
Zeke got to his feet shook himself wildly from head to toe and ran to meet her. I have never before and never since witnessed such pure, unbridled joy and love and happiness flow between any two creatures of any species. The earth and sky all around them shouted out in the glory of their love, echoing it on every dimension. Oh gawd, my heart breaks anew trying to tell this tale. How much beauty and sorrow can any Beings express? They were a fucking Super Nova Of Love exploding in front of my very eyes.
It was utterly humbling.
The Beloveds took to playing and chasing and rolling and kissing with abandon. Following a distance behind Sima was one of her humans, Ernie. We had not seen him or Sima since December. He explained to us that morning he woke up with a very strong desire to come down to Lucille (a settlement just a little south of us on the river) and visit our mutual friend Devon. Devon is a powerful witchy woman, an herbalist and healer. At the last minute he decided to take Sima with him. When they drew near Devon’s he suddenly decided to press right on to our house instead, feeling an intense urgency to see us immediately.
Afterwards all I could think was that Zeke had been calling Sima with his mind and she had used her mind, amplifying through Devon, to get Ernie to bring her to Zeke. The two canines loved on one another for hours until Zeke was exhausted and then Ernie and Sima departed. I knew at that moment Zeke and Sima had said their goodbyes to one another and my boy finally had some measure of peace in his heart about having to leave earth.
Sima's visit gave Zeke one last burst of impossible energy and all that night and throughout the next day he was on fire... Running, fetching, swimming, playing, touching, barking, breathing... Living his last heart beats hard and furious and mad drunk with the glory of life, burning up the last scrap, the last molecule, sucking down the very last drop of blood and marrow and possibility from his physical body forever.
Together, we just WERE with abandon.
And it was GOOD.
On Sunday morning Zeke was done. He could not hold his mortal coil together any longer. He asked for it to be over. It was unmistakable. And because *he* was done we had to let him go. Bart and I took him up to our farm. We sat together in the sunshine. He placed his heavy, weary paw into my hand one last time and for an eternal moment we were together in silence just feeling each other, memorizing each other’s energy so it would never be forgotten.
Then I got up and walked away for a moment to compose myself. I wanted to be strong for my beautiful, beloved boy. When I turned back Bart was sitting next to him, petting him and chanting to him. Telling him to feel no fear, that it was ok to go.
As I listened to his chanting I suddenly realized I could hear others also chanting in unison with Bart and I could hear heavy drums pounding a strange, echoing rhythm. I was confused as we were there alone. I looked all around and saw nothing but then I finally looked up.
And there, all along the rim of the canyon were spirits, Nez Perce elders and warriors. They were calling Zeke, waiting for him to come to them, waiting to welcome him. Afterward Bart let me know he had also seen and heard the spirits as well.
When I looked back from the souls along the canyon rim I realized Zeke had closed his eyes and turned his head away and Bart had his Colt 45 revolver in his sure and steady hands, poised for an agonizingly long moment. I fell to my knees and turned my face away, biting down on my lip, drawing blood, and inside my mind screamed out, "Do it!"
And then the shot rang out.
It was done.
Bart rushed by me in a blur, a bloody bundle in his arms and swiftly placed Zeke into the heart of a huge funeral pyre that he had built to receive our boy’s body. He set fire to the pyre and a massive bonfire erupted. Flames and smoke and ash and sparks billowing up into the dusky sunset sky, our wails of anguish breaking across the canyon as the spirits called out in wild bliss from above us.
After the pyre had been ablaze for a few minutes I saw the next miraculous thing. I saw Zeke’s soul leave his body. It was shaped like him and a completely different kind, color, clarity and weight of smoke then all around it, soaring up towards the now starry sky. As I marveled at what I saw Bart pointed at the same smoke and yelled, "There he goes!"
And so Zeke left us to fly free into the Great Is.
We sat throughout the night until his pyre had burned away to ash... Singing and weeping and praising him and bidding him farewell. When the fire went cold we went home and our Time Of Mourning began.
The next day, in the evening, I had what is the first true vision I have ever had. I was standing by our stove and was suddenly running with Zeke, soaring and flying with him across the river on the other side, playing in the wildlands known as "The Island". We were running with wolves and coyotes and he was strong and healthy and magnificent and free and filled with bliss. And my spirit was filled with the same, then he disappeared in a flash of light and I snapped back into 3D.
I shared what had happened with Elevaphoenix and she confirmed I had indeed been with his spirit being for a time. She described what she understood happens right after we die. We retain our shape and ego and we begin first by visiting all of the places and people we loved, saying goodbye, experiencing them. We can do that for as long as we wish, as long as it takes for us to let go properly. She says as we let go of our physical attachments we slowly fill with light, becoming brighter and brighter until, at some point, we blend into the white light of the IS and then she can no longer perceive the being. They are gone from earth’s plane.
Later, in the springtime, we planted a Macintosh apple tree where Zeke’s funeral pyre had been. The tree looked lonely so we planted a whole orchard. When the apple tree was planted it was a young tree with a slim trunk seemingly many years from becoming mature enough to bear fruit but within the span of one season it grew almost overnight, maturing into a full blown tree and producing apples. It is a glorious tree. Beautiful and straight and strong; and the fruit is indescribably sweet. When you stand next to it you can feel Zeke’s energy and spirit moving within... He IS a part of that tree.
Prior to this experience I was completely skeptical of the possibility of being an eternal entity that continued on even after my physical body had passed away. But after all that happened here my doubt was washed away. How could I possibly hold onto it in anymore? I began to truly understand, for the first time, what we actually are and what we are made of. I am eternally grateful for this.
When I asked Elevaphoenix why I had a vision when such a thing had never happened to me before in my life she explained to me it was a result of her higher self passing through mine. She explained that if a person is sensitive, with latent intuitive abilities, the exposure to her energy frequencies literally tunes you up and amplifies those abilities. She then told me I should expect to have increased awareness and intuition and to be prepared for more of such. She was right. Since that moment my "non-traditional" senses have steadily improved.
And now I need to go wipe the tears from my cheeks... talking about That Damn Dog still makes me weep buckets.
xoxox
Jax